The Man Box

The following is a TED Talk from Tony Porter.

"Tony Porter is an educator and activist and has been working in the social justice arena for over twenty years. He is nationally recognized for his effort to end men's violence against women" (http://www.movetoendviolence.org/community/profiles/tony-porter) His solution to making a change is to break free of the "man box".

Tony Porter does a great job of explaining this unfortunate phenomenon, as we as, providing examples. He also challenges us to be a part of the change. 

He quotes,  "God, if it will kill him (9 year old boy) to be called a girl, what are we then teaching him about girls?"

Thoughts and Prayers Go Out to the Victims and Families in Newton

God bless each of the victims and their families in this terrible tragedy.  Our hearts cry with you. I challenge all of us to embrace our loved ones with unconditional love!

Romans 8:16-17 The Spirit himself bears witness with our spirit that we are children of God, and if children, then heirs—heirs of God and fellow heirs with Christ, provided we suffer with him in order that we may also be glorified with him.

Brown's Safety Usama Young Visits the Gentlemen's Club

Thanks to Cleveland Brown's Starting Free Safety Usama Young for giving up valuable free time to visit with the Berea Gentlemen's Club.  Mr. Young did an awesome job of speaking to the Gentlemen on their level. He delivered a positive, encouraging message about continuing to strive for the best, setting a attacking you goals, and using all of your resources to be as successful as possible.

Thanks again Usama Young for your time, and GO BROWNS!!!!

Usama Young is representing the essence of this blog. "What can we do as adult males to positively influence the lives and futures of our young men?"  You would be amazed at the difference you can make by saying hello, and helping a young man feel that someone cares about them.

  

You Hear Me?

Joker

You would be surprised

To know that the funny man

Is also the sad man

Like a clown fallen from his stilts.

           But this is his career

           Never will a joker feel secure in a serious environment

           He will keep telling jokes

           Never will a joker be secure in his insecurities

           He will keep telling jokes.

In the process of getting out of a hole

A hole I dug for myself

A bottomless pit

I will die...

Like the product of a pun

A misunderstanding.

The saddest joke...

         A clown lying by his stilts, full of regret

                            -Michael Tobias Bloom, age 16

(taken from Franco, B. (2000). You Hear Me?. Somerville, Massachusetts: Candlewick Press.)

How many of the boys that you interact with respond to serious situations, insecurities and stress by using humor? How many of the young men in your class or home use humor when they are uncomfortable? What can we do as adults, educators, parents, and mentors to help them handle their stresses and insecurities without digging themselves into a bottomless pit?

Here are a few suggestions:

Make your curriculum/conversation relevant to them. 

          Have you ever thought about their world and what is important to them, even if you think it is ridiculous? How can we use this information to connect their world to ours?

Black Students. Middle Class Teachers. by Jawanza Kunjufu provides more excellent examples and is a great read.

Look at yourself as someone that can connect with young males, regardless of the differences between you, and don't give up of them?

         It is easy to look at a young man and assume you can't relate to him because of your differences. Maybe you are black and he is white. Maybe he's the smart kid and you are a former jock. Maybe you are a woman. Challenge yourself to learn more about a young male that is completely different from you. Find out why he dresses the way he does, or likes the music that he likes. Seek to find out what you have in common with him and focus on that commonality. See what happens, you might be surprised. Remember to not give up when it may seem that it is not going to happen. Boys need to see that you are here to stay, then they can began to trust you.

Don't take yourself so seriously.

     Don't be afraid to let boys see the lighter side of you. Allow them to experience your sense of humor, regardless of how dry and corny it may be. You'll be surprised to see the chuckle and shock you get from a student you least expect it from. Here is one of my fondest examples. I had a white male student that had recently moved in to my suburban district from an urban district. He was very quiet and I had the hardest time figuring out what made him click. One day he came to my class on my planning and overheard me singing a little Al Green. He quietly smiled, chuckled and told me how much he loved Al Green because his dad (in prison) loves Al Green. The ice was broken and we gradually started to connect.

Keep It Real.

    Boys, like all others, want you to be straight up with them. They will read you like a book if you deal with them dishonestly, or fake, or have a hidden agenda. Being yourself will earn you far more respect than being  a phony. You will create far more damage by being exposed for not being sincere than you will by being yourself and continuing to try.

Other resources you might take a look at:

Kunjufu, Jawanza. Developing Positive Self Images and Discipline in Black Children. Chicago: African American Images, 1997.

*Speacial thanks to Dave Kushlak for recommending the book You Hear My? by Betsy Franco.

Boys and Emotions

     I had an awesome discussion with my 7th grade students this week about boys and their emotions. We were holding a discussion about how to bounce back after a traumatic event. I then asked the students to write down the 3 resources/people that they felt they could go talk to when they are involved in a stressful situation. When I allowed them the opportunity to share their their resources and why they felt those resources were reliable, the girls were more than willing to express their feelings. The boys on the other hand, were not so willing to do so.

"Why?" I asked them. "Why are the girls so willing to talk about their emotions, while the boys wanted no parts of it?"

Here are some of the responses:

Girl -  "Girls like to Gossip."            
Girl - "Boys like to fight it out."
Boy - "Its just not comfortable."
Girl - "Guys just think girls are girls."
Boy - "I got nothing to talk about."
Girl - "Boys do the asking, and girls do the talking"
Boy - "We lose our manhood talking like that."
Girl - "Not true, guys are cooler when they are not all macho and talk to us."

This prompted further research on my behalf, attempting to discover how society and family affect/contribute to boys, (males) having such a hard time talking.

Dr. William Pollack, Harvard and author of Real Boys Voices, tells Oprah.com that boys often hide their feelings due to pressures experienced as early as toddlers. Have we every told our boys that "big boys don't cry?" According to Pollack seemingly simple phrases like this can have a lifelong effect on our boys ability and willingness to express their emotions.

Pollack provides the following suggestions:

1. Give your son time for undivided attention and listening space.
2. Don't prematurely push him to be independent.
3. Let him know that "real" boys and men do cry and speak.
4. Express your love as openly as you would to a girl.

Maybe it's time for us to really consider the subtle messages that we send our boys. They are more fragile than we have ever been willing to admit.

Oprah.com. (2008). Teaching Boys to Cope with Feelings. Oprah. Retrieved November 3, 2012, from http://www.oprah.com/relationships/Teaching-Boys-How-to-Cope-with-Feelings/1

Vital Statistics

Here are a few alarming and thought provoking statistics involving our boys in America.

 For every 100 girls conceived there are 105 boys conceived.

 For every 100 girls suspended from public and private schools there are 250 boys suspended.

 For every 100 girls diagnosed with a special education disability 217 boys are diagnosed .

 For every 100 girls diagnosed with a learning disability 276 boys are diagnosed with a learning disability.

 For every 100 girls diagnosed with emotional disturbance 324 boys are diagnosed with emotional disturbance

 For every 100 girls that graduate high school 96 boys graduate high school.

 For every 100 American women who earn a bachelor’s degree 73 American men earn a bachelor’s degree.

For every 100 girls ages 15-17 in correctional facilities there are 837 boys behind bars.

For every 100 women ages 18-21 in correctional facilities there are 1430 men behind bars.

 For every 100 females ages 15—19 that commit suicide 549 males in the same range commit suicide.

I'm sure you would agree that these statistics are alarming.  

Why is there such a discrepancy between boys and girls in our society? 

What are we doing, or not doing, as a society to ensure that are boys have the opportunity to succeed?

While I have some ideas, I'm excited about the opportunity to make an impact.

Statistics taken from

www.boysproject.net/statistics.html

A Quick Introduction

Good evening! My name is Johnny Bollin and I'm a middle school teacher in Berea, Ohio. My experiences have allowed me to live in various regions of the United States and experience them in a number of different ways. I was born in raised in Mckinney, TX , a suburb of Dallas. From there I was blessed enough to play college basketball at Villanova University located in a suburb of Philadephia. In an effort to not read you my resume:

College basketball coach at Cleveland State University

Unit Director for the Boys and Girls Clubs of Lorain County

Teacher & Coach Centerville City Schools (near Dayton, Ohio)

Teacher & Coach Berea City School (near Cleveland, Ohio)

The purpose of the previous is to show you that all of these opportunities have led me to an increased awareness of my passion: Boys In America. I hope that we can begin to create a greater awareness of the issues that plague our American boys today, and that we can begin the process of creating a more productive future for them.

Thanks