Boys and Emotions

     I had an awesome discussion with my 7th grade students this week about boys and their emotions. We were holding a discussion about how to bounce back after a traumatic event. I then asked the students to write down the 3 resources/people that they felt they could go talk to when they are involved in a stressful situation. When I allowed them the opportunity to share their their resources and why they felt those resources were reliable, the girls were more than willing to express their feelings. The boys on the other hand, were not so willing to do so.

"Why?" I asked them. "Why are the girls so willing to talk about their emotions, while the boys wanted no parts of it?"

Here are some of the responses:

Girl -  "Girls like to Gossip."            
Girl - "Boys like to fight it out."
Boy - "Its just not comfortable."
Girl - "Guys just think girls are girls."
Boy - "I got nothing to talk about."
Girl - "Boys do the asking, and girls do the talking"
Boy - "We lose our manhood talking like that."
Girl - "Not true, guys are cooler when they are not all macho and talk to us."

This prompted further research on my behalf, attempting to discover how society and family affect/contribute to boys, (males) having such a hard time talking.

Dr. William Pollack, Harvard and author of Real Boys Voices, tells Oprah.com that boys often hide their feelings due to pressures experienced as early as toddlers. Have we every told our boys that "big boys don't cry?" According to Pollack seemingly simple phrases like this can have a lifelong effect on our boys ability and willingness to express their emotions.

Pollack provides the following suggestions:

1. Give your son time for undivided attention and listening space.
2. Don't prematurely push him to be independent.
3. Let him know that "real" boys and men do cry and speak.
4. Express your love as openly as you would to a girl.

Maybe it's time for us to really consider the subtle messages that we send our boys. They are more fragile than we have ever been willing to admit.

Oprah.com. (2008). Teaching Boys to Cope with Feelings. Oprah. Retrieved November 3, 2012, from http://www.oprah.com/relationships/Teaching-Boys-How-to-Cope-with-Feelings/1